The Story Behind the Heartbreak

It's been three days but I still have not stopped crying. I'm crushed and my chest still throbs in pain every now and then.

I'm heartbroken. And I never want to move on.

My post last Monday gained a lot of public attention and outrage. I like that. However, the issue I raised will only be another sad story of injustice if no one learns from it, if no one takes home a lesson or two from the incident I witnessed and the mistake I made. Hence, this full account.

It was around midnight when I rode the Zapote-Baclaran jeep last Sunday. I was very sleepy and so was the little girl sitting in front of me. She was probably around 8-10 years old and was carrying a plastic bag with mangoes inside. Sitting beside her was a man in his 40's who seemed to me was her father. She was leaning her head on his knee, attempting to sleep as the jeep took off.

For most of the trip I could notice the little girl being so restless and grumpy. She was mad at her dad for something. She was probably having tantrums, I thought.There was nothing unusual about the two of them. The man's left hand was holding the iron bar in front of him and his right was holding the girl.

Suddenly, my heart began to race when I realized how the little girl reminded me so much of the children being sexually trafficked, the ones I have read and studied about for years. However, that was a mere suspicion so I observed the two carefully. The man was sleeping—his head was bowed down and I couldn’t see his face as he was wearing a cap. His right hand was holding the girl's right thigh. I was still trying to figure out if the way he was holding her was malicious or an innocent gesture of a father to his child. 

I saw him squeeze her thigh and it was when the little girl pushed his hand away that I intervened. I confronted the man and I talked to the little girl. Some of the passengers were already staring and the man was embarrassed. I was fuming mad because if my suspicion is right then I'm looking at a pedophile in action. Do I call the police? What if he jumps off the moving vehicle, hurting the girl? Do I smack his face right now? What if I was wrong?

There were so many thoughts running through my head that time. I was still waiting for further proof that the girl was in fact being molested. I also began to doubt my intuition. Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe I was just being malicious. And what confused me even more was how the little girl was still very affectionate to the man. I was waiting that she would tell on him. I was waiting, staring sharply at the man and observing his every move. I didn't have proof. I seriously did not know what to do. 

It was happening so fast and my mind was clouded with so much anger, I didn't realize my stop was already right around the corner. Before I went down the jeep, I warned the man again and I talked to the girl. It was when I was already going down when I heard the man sheepishly say, "Thanks, thanks!".

I saw the jeep leave. And my head started to clear up. Did I actually hear him say, "thanks"?

I said a cuss word under my breath and my knees grew weak realizing that I just let a child molester get away.

Walking to my house was almost unbearable. I wanted to scream and cry out loud. I recalled every scenario in the jeep and confirmed within myself that my suspicion was right. I tried so hard to remember every detail of the moments prior to the confrontation. I was probably in a state of shock or panic that I didn’t see then what I knew now.

It appears to me that the reason why the girl was being irritable the entire time was not because she was sleepy but because she was being violated right then and there. His right hand was most probably not placed behind her back for support but was instead reaching for her genitals and this is the reason why the girl was so restless and cranky the entire trip. He pretended to be asleep so that when the girl would get upset, he wouldn’t appear to have caused it. She remained affectionate because the man was probably her dad or uncle, and she did not understand what was being done to her, but her body resisted his touch, hence her reaction.

Of course my analysis came in late, much too late. I sobbed in my bedroom and cried myself to sleep. I was being tortured by the thought of how the girl is now being molested at home. I kept blaming myself for letting the man get away. I felt like a complete imbecile. The very reason why I was in law school was to help little girls like her, but then I Iet one slip right out of my fingers. I have memorized the elements of a crime, but couldn’t recognize it when it was staring me in the face. I was advocating for children’s rights, but didn’t fight for it when I had the chance.

In my utter helplessness, I turned to the Lord. With my Bible open and my eyes streaming with tears, I prayed for the girl. I can’t do anything now but my God can. My heart literally felt like it was breaking in two, but at the same time I was being held so strongly by Jesus. He will act. I know it.  

I wish I could already share a happy ending to this story, but no. After I filed for police blotter and gave a sketch of the perpetrator’s profile and that of the girl’s, I was determined to find the man on my own. I will look for him, and I will find him, and I will kill him. Okay maybe not the last phrase, but I will not back down. Maybe I’ll do something crazy like ride the jeep at midnight every now and then. I’ve also thought of coordinating with more police stations. Whatever. All I know is that the next time I will see the man again, and I’m praying so hard that it happens, I will be ready. I now have a policeman who will respond anytime and the DSWD’s hotline in my phone. The next time, I will not let him get away. The next time, justice will be served.

The ‘woulda-coulda-shoulda’ will not help anyone now, especially not the girl; but I am hoping that no one else reading this article would make the same mistake as I did. After consulting with experts, talking to the police, getting opinions on Facebook, and ruminating deeply, I have come up with this:

An Idiot’s Guide To Responding To Child Abuse:

1. TRUST YOUR INTUTION, if you think someone is being sexually harassed, then most probably it’s true.
2. TAKE A RISK, don’t over-analyze things since a child’s welfare is at stake here.
3. DO NOT ASSAULT the perpetrator, instead ask the driver to proceed to the nearest police station.
4. IF THERE IS NO POLICE AROUND, then you may ask for the help of traffic enforcers.
5. GET THE NAME of the perpetrator or if possible take a picture of him.
6. TALK TO THE VICTIM, make sure the child knows that what is being done to him/her is wrong.
7. CONTACT DSWD, they’re open 24 hours (0917-7030967 and 4166839)
8. IF HE GOT AWAY, file a police blotter for future reference.
9. PUT JUSTICE into your own hands. Look for the man, shoot his legs, pin him down and chop-off his _________.
10. I WAS KIDDING about number 9.  

However this thing ends, there is one thing I am sure of: I am forever wrecked. The girl's face will always be plastered in my heart and the thought of her will probably make me cry everyday. Whatever else action I will take on in the days to come, I know this is only one of the many cases I will relentlessly fight for in my lifetime. Others would read this story, be moved, and go on with life, but I know things will never the be the same again for me. God has made an imprint in my soul through this incident and I feel His heart for justice now more than ever. There is no turning back for me, not after being ruined like this.

"I know this painful experience will make me know You even better and will one day save so many little girls. So go ahead Lord, break my heart some more."